I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
