yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
