so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
