Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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