The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
