Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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