Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
