a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
