I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
