so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
