She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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