Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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