Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
