Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
