oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
