Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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