Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
