i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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