Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
