hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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