I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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