there was a trapeze. enough said
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
