Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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