I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
