Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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