i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
