I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
