I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
