Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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