dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
