hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize