Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
