He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
