good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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