end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize