she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
