so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
