dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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