I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
