Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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