i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's paint friendship bongs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
