you guys were way drunker than both of me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize