So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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