Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
