I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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