i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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