fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
