Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
