You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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