Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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