apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize