Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
