The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
