I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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