Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
