lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
