i just made my gag reflex go away.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
