GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
