Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
