i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
