i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
