so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
