Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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