hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
