based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
