I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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