I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
should my penis look like a turkey
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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