I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
