If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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