I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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