I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
