Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
