im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
