you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
