Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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