The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
