Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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