This girl is more easily done than said...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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