Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
