I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
