she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
