He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
false alarm, still single
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