I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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