Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize