i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
