Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We talked him into tasing himself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
