WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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