whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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