I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
