the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
