K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
