I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This house was built for laser tag.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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