but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
